hillsong conference part one

i am blessed beyond measure. with each day that passes i see more and more how it is by grace alone that i am saved. only a Holy and Righteous Father could love someone like me and for that, i am thankful.

this weekend i'm attending Hillsong's Miami Encounter, a conference centered on worship. my church generously offered to send me and the other leader of the worship team so we could learn and be instructed in worship. tonight was more of a worship rally, a call to worship but already i feel renewed. as i sang along with hundreds of believers, it made me wonder how some people don't know God's love. how can they not love Him? how can they not believe?

i am so thankful because in Christ i have my hope. i have hope of a better future, of MY future, of eternal life in Him. even in the toughest of times i have faith that i will be carried through. i know that it could only get better. i know that a mighty Lord loves me. how can others live without this peace?

i think a lot of it has to do with us "Christians" not playing our part in this world. we are flaky, fake, judging and like the speaker said today, we build walls that prevent us from really seeking a deep relationship with our Lord and Savior. if we were more like our Jesus, then people would really be able to see God's love through us. i want to be that change. i want to be the change that the world will see. my prayer is that i will shine in my tiny corner of the world. i want to be this ambassador of God's love to others who don't know what TRUE love is, and that is the most perfect love of all.

this summer has been a rollercoaster of emotions and happenings. it's hard to keep my head up and focus on what i need to do. i find that i get easily disappointed by others, but maybe it's because i care too much. i try not to hurt others but find that i always get hurt. i don't want to use others but others will try to use me. i want genuine friendships and they want something temporary. i keep my word and they easily break it. i hold no grudges yet the grudges face me. and because of this, i find that i am alone. and sometimes i want to stop trying. but today, at this conference session, i learned otherwise. i need to keep loving, keep trying and prevent these situations from leading me to build walls. i must love freely because my Savior did so, by giving His life for me.

in the meantime, here i am Lord. use me for your purpose. help me find that heart of worship. it's all for you and you alone. "these hands are Yours/teach them to serve as You please/and i'll reach out"